Becoming a foster carer is an incredibly rewarding experience. However, it also comes with its challenges, especially when it comes to connecting with your foster child. Children in foster care have often experienced trauma, disruption, and loss. This can make it difficult for them to open up and trust a new foster family. As a foster carer, being patient and building a relationship is key. Here are some tips on how to connect with your foster child:
Get to Know Them
Don’t overload them right away with questions about their background or past experiences. Let them share at their own pace. In the meantime, pay attention to their interests, talents, and personality. Engage in activities they enjoy and ask questions to learn more about who they are as an individual.
Establish Routines and Rituals
Consistency and predictability are very important for children from hard places. Come up with daily routines like making breakfast together in the morning or reading bedtime stories at night. These daily rituals act as touchpoints to provide comfort and a sense of belonging.
Be Open and Sensitive
Listen without judgement and validate their feelings. Don’t minimise or dismiss their concerns. Let them know it’s okay to talk about both good and bad experiences. Watch for signs they may want to open up, like asking vague questions. Respond with empathy.
Focus on the Positives
Identify their strengths and affirm them. Provide specific praise when they demonstrate good behaviour. Reframe setbacks as learning experiences. This builds their confidence and resilience.
Advocate for Their Needs
Make sure they receive the educational, medical, therapeutic and social supports they require. Speak up for accommodations and services at their school. Managing these systems can be confusing and overwhelming for children in care.
Respect their Privacy
Don’t force them to disclose information or push bonding activities. Let relationships develop organically, at their comfort level. Ask permission before discussing them with others. Keep their personal history confidential.
Involve Them
Foster children need a sense of agency and control. Invite their input on household rules, activities, and schedules. Provide choices whenever possible. Follow their lead during playtime.
Be Reliable
Follow through consistently on what you say you’ll do. Keep promises and show up on time for important events. This builds trust that was likely broken in the past.
Work as a Team
Make sure everyone in the family is on the same page. Present a united front when it comes to expectations. Talk privately about challenges to avoid putting the child in the middle.
Stay Patient
Progress will not be linear. Expect ups and downs, and steps forward as well as steps back. Manage your own expectations and frustrations. Healing takes time for hurt children.
Take Care of Yourself
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Maintain your own support system and self-care practices. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help from your agency when you need it, such as Foster Care Associates Scotland.
Connecting with a foster child requires empathy, consistency and unconditional care. By providing a safe, stable and loving home, you have the power to make a monumental difference in a child’s life. Be gentle, be present, and let trust develop at their pace. With time, patience and compassion, attachment and belonging will bloom.
